


You Make Me Better

by imustspeakmyheart



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, Genderfluid Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 13:43:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6197287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imustspeakmyheart/pseuds/imustspeakmyheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama buys some eyeliner on a whim, Hinata helps him put it on in a first step towards self-acceptance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Make Me Better

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for a friend as a birthday gift and it took me way too long to get it done ;;  
> Anyhow, I hope you enjoy this and keep in mind that I haven't really edited this hahh. I will later.

Kageyama Tobio had a secret. It wasn’t the kind of secret that was world shattering, or anything like that. It more the kind of thing that you kept behind closed doors because you are too ashamed to let others know about it and it might not always be safe for others to know either.

It was the kind of secret that you’d never expect someone to have, the kind that lurked below the surface. The kind of secret you became really good at hiding.

Kageyama Tobio wasn’t a boy. Not _all_ the time anyway.

He didn’t understand what it was he felt most of the time. The place inside his body that was inhabited by the feeling of ‘boy’, oftentimes changed and warped into some sort of void that was something and nothing at the same time. Other times he would look at the girls in his class and envy their curls and eyeliner and voices like morning chimes, a feeling he didn’t understand any less than the previous.

Those periods came hand in hand with a crushing drop in his confidence and warranted a guaranteed increased discomfort with his body and anything associated with it.

He hadn’t understood what it was until he ventured to talk to Hinata about what he’d kept to himself for as long as he could remember. He’d expected Hinata to laugh, call him a weirdo or some other dismissive term and for him to tell Kageyama not to think about stuff like that too much.

Instead Hinata had replied brightly that he’d seen people like that online, who felt different than the gender they were assigned at birth. Hinata told him that it was normal, even though a majority of people still didn’t know about it.

“How weird right?” The redhead had exclaimed indignantly, “So many people feel like you do, but a lot of people make it into such an issue. People are so mean..”

Kageyama had felt such relief after that conversation, like a weight he hadn’t even known was there had suddenly been lifted from his shoulders. _He was normal. There were others like him._ And even though that gendered place to his being was slowly shifting into something more uncomfortable, he wasn’t sad that night.

A few days after this conversation he found himself in a drug store for something or other for his mother, standing in front of the make-up aisle with eyes transfixed. His heart beat heavily in his chest as his gaze swept over the different brands of eyeliner, wondering which ones the girls used that he admired so much.

He felt the undeniable desire, a pull to buy some and conceal it from his mother to avoid question he wouldn’t want to answer. So he took a breath, thought of Hinata’s determined look as he’d told Kageyama that he was _normal_ and snatched a random brand into his basket.

The next day at school the eyeliner container (he’d found out later that he’d grabbed a liquid form) sat in his bag like heavy weight. Somehow he felt like other students would know it was there, would call him out on his ridiculous behavior and mark him a freak in front of a crowd of his peers. Obviously this was absurd thought, no one could possibly know what was in his bag, but he still felt as if every judging eye was on him.

He was instantly brought out of his own thoughts by the bright mop of hair that could only signify the presence of one person.

“Hinata.” He acknowledged the other, tone slightly nervous to any who knew him well enough. His hand clutched tighter on one of the straps of his bag.

“You look like you’re about to throw up, are you okay?” Of course the redhead would strike right through to the problem. And he was as blunt about it as ever.

Turning his lip up in defiance, Kageyama scoffed.

“I’m fine, dumbass.”

He hoisted his bag up a little higher on his shoulder and prepared to keep walking to his first class. Hinata wouldn’t leave well enough alone of course.

“You don’t look fine, so you’re the dumbass here!” The redhead replied, annoyed that Kageyama wouldn’t just tell him what was bothering him. Personally Hinata didn’t see the point in not telling your friends about the things that bother you.

Knowing that he was no match for Hinata’s relentless curiosity, Kageyama sighed and decided to confide in him.

“You know I like, sometimes feel like a girl right?” And even though he knew that Hinata completely accepted him and had even be the one to tell him that he wasn’t alone in feeling this way, he still felt that uncomfortable sinking feeling in his gut every time he voiced it out loud. Hinata nodded and waited expectantly for Kageyama to continue.

“Well uh. I bought eyeliner the other day. I want to wear it.” He spit it out as fast as he could so he would have no time to think about it. Nervously he glanced to the side where Hinata was walking next to him. To his surprise the other had a huge enthusiastic smile on his face.

“Dude! Why didn’t you just tell me right away, I can totally help you put it on!”

Kageyama gave Hinata a skeptical look, raising an eyebrow.

“Like you know how to put on eyeliner.”

Hinata looked positively offended. “I do too! Natsu asks me to put it on her all the time so she feel all adulty. I’m basically a pro!” Kageyama still didn’t really believe him, but the grin Hinata had on his face was infectious, making his own lips twist into a small smile.

“We’ll have to put that to the test then, don’t we? How about after school.”

Hinata beamed up at him, nodding vigorously. Well that was settled then.. Kageyama didn’t know how to feel about the prospect of actually getting to wear make-up really soon. The rest of the school day passed in a blur of excited nerves and trying to pay even a little bit attention to his classes.

 

When the last bell rang signaling the end of the day, Hinata was stood in front of Kageyama’s desk in no time. It was weird that the redhead seemed more excited about this whole thing than Kageyama did. He quickly gathered all his things and got up, grunting out a short ‘come on, dumbass’ before walking out of the classroom without waiting to see if the other would follow.

Hinata did of course, bounding happily next to him and yapping away as they walked home together. Hinata’s home that is. Kageyama didn’t have the courage to do this sort of thing in his own house yet, with possibly disapproving parents always being a risk.

 

Kageyama’s excitement had only grown during their walk, feeling so antsy now they entered Hinata’s home that he kept fidgeting with his shoulder bag. This was it. He was finally going to do it, for real. Not in a daydream, or an imagined scenario. Actual real life.

“You okay Tobio?” Hinata’s voice cut in, making him start.

“Huh? Yeah. Yeah I’m okay.”

Nodding like he understood what was going on inside the other’s head, Hinata gently took Kageyama by the elbow and guided him upstairs into his room. Moving somewhat in a daze Kageyama set his bag down on the floor, taking a seat on Hinata’s bed. He wrung his hands together in his lap as Hinata started to rummage in some cabinets.

“Oi, what are you doing?”

Without looking up he replies, his voice muffled with his head stuck deep in one of his closets. “I should have some eyeshadow somewhere here! Maybe lipstick, hold on.”

Kageyama’s heart skips a beat at the mention of more make-up. He hadn’t been expecting any of this and the natural way Hinata was showing him support and kindness was enough to make a small blush appear on his cheeks.

“You don’t have to go through so much trouble, just eyeliner would be fine..”

Before he can even get the whole sentence out, however, Hinata turned around. A small box was triumphantly presented to him along with a very proud expression on the other’s face.

“Got it!! Now scoot.” Hinata commanded, settling in the space on the bed next to Kageyama as he moved to create more room. With his tongue peeking out between his lips in concentration, Hinata then began picking items out of the box one by one and setting them on the bed in from of him.

The whole process felt like a ritual. Admittedly Kageyama was more fascinated than he felt like he should be by the simple act of laying things out on a bed. But there was something about the way Hinata was ordering each article of make-up as if they all had their specific place in the grand scheme of things. Or maybe Kageyama was so nervous that he was just overthinking things. That could very well be the case.

Then just like that Hinata was done, raising his eyes to look at Kageyama.

“Hold still now. Don’t move!”

Kageyama’s whole body was already rigid with anticipation. It wouldn’t be a problem.

Hinata’s hands went for a small rounded brush first, picking up an eyeshadow container and telling Kageyama to close his eyes. They didn’t talk while Hinata worked, both of them preoccupied with their thoughts and trying to concentrate.

Each in turn Hinata used the articles in front of him, giving Kageyama directions on how to hold his head or to open or close his eyes. Turned out he owned pretty much all the make-up imaginable. At least it felt that way to Kageyama; it took way longer than he’d been expecting to get it all done.

“Hey Tobio?” Hinata was still busy doing whatever it was that he was doing. Something with a big brush and Kageyama’s cheekbones.

Kageyama hummed in response.

“Do you want me to call you a girl right now?”

Sputtering confusedly Kageyama grappled for an answer, leaning away from the make-up brush to look away from Hinata.

“I- I don’t know. Just do whatever I guess.”

The only answer he got was a pout and a frown. Kageyama wanted to ask what kind of facial expression that was even meant to be when Hinata suddenly moved to get off the bed, reaching for Kageyama’s bag.

“Wha-.”

“I’m just getting your eyeliner.” Hinata held up a hand, indeed holding up the liquid eyeliner. Kageyama fell silent and waited for Hinata to resume his work. After telling the blueberry child to close his eyes, the final stretch began.

“Don’t twitch to much with your eyes or it’ll get everywhere! You’ll mess up my masterful eyeshadow.”

“I’m not used to this, give me a break jeez!”

Nevertheless Kageyama tried his best to keep his unruly eyelids under control.

“And…” Hinata drew out the syllable for maximum dramatic effect, withdrawing the eyeliner brush from Kageyama’s face. “Done!! But keep your eyes closed for a bit or it’ll smudge. Natsu learned that the hard way.”

As Kageyama sat there and listened to Hinata clean everything up, his heart was beating uncontrollably in his chest. Something had nestled in that unnamed part of him that changed and swayed daily and he felt like maybe today he could actually mark what that feeling was. All thanks to Hinata.

Approaching footsteps alerted him of the other’s return.

“Okay, now slowly open your eyes.”

And he did.

He could almost cry at what he was seeing.

Hinata had presented him with a mirror. Staring back at him was his own reflection.

“You’re a really pretty girl Kageyama.”

And for once, Kageyama genuinely felt like that was the truth.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
